Beneath Your Beauty Read online

  I gave the taxi driver the address. We drove down the strip and away from the casinos. We pulled down a side street and stopped in front of a small pizza place.

  “This is it,” the driver said.

  When the driver drove away from the curb, I checked the paper with the information my mother had sent me. I looked to the right of Pauli’s Pizza and read the exact numbers on the door that was on the paper in my hand. Glancing at my watch, I was only fifteen minutes late. I prayed that the owner wasn’t some cranky old man that thrived on punctuality.

  I climbed the flight of stairs, and stopped on the first landing and prayed to God that apartment B was on this floor. The thought of having to climb another flight was not inviting at all. It also told me how out of shape I really was.

  I thought about asking Hunter about the gym that he went to when I twisted and saw a large brass B on a wood door. I rounded the old chipped wood railing and found the door slightly ajar. I pushed it open gently and walked in.

  The heavy aroma of garlic and herbs hit me. Memories of picking my sister up at the airport came flooding back—her flame red hair bouncing down the corridor as she came barreling toward me, her engulfing me in a hug. All I could remember was her smelling like an Italian kitchen.

  This is where my sister was. This is where she ran away to.

  I started to tread slowly through the living room. An old battered couch was the only piece of furniture in the room. There was a small hall off to the left, and a doorway off to the right. I went right, crossed over the threshold, and paused.

  Steele stood against the old gold-and-white speckled counter with his head down. He hadn’t even heard me enter the room. He was intently gazing at a heart locket that he held in the palm of his hand.

  It was my heart locket.

  It was the heart locket my sister had stolen from me.

  Steele

  I held the heart-shaped gold locket in my hand and threaded the fragile chain through my fingers. It was so delicate and small. It was just a simple pendant formed out of gold into a heart, but it meant so much to me. Opening the clasp, the heart unlocked, similar to how my heart felt every time I looked at Kayden. The way her beautiful brown eyes gazed at me would expose my heart a little more every time.

  The first time I’d ever felt my heart open slightly was towards a girl I never even met. She wasn’t a figment of my imagination. Cherry would talk about her all the time. All I had to go by was the tiny picture of her face inside the locket. I was eighteen. I’d taken bits and pieces of what she had to say about the girl in the picture and sculpted her to be what I desired.

  Then, early this morning, I’d seen that girl, my perfect girl. I’d been standing at the bedroom door, watching her sleep. At that moment, I’d known she was all I wanted. I didn’t need the fame, women, or money. I needed this woman, the only woman who had ever come close to being the girl I’d envisioned in my head so many years ago.

  I didn’t need to look up. I felt her enter the room. That was how much of a pull this woman had on me. It was an effect I never thought I would ever feel. She was under my skin, in my mind.

  She was my reason for breathing.

  “I haven’t been back to this apartment in eleven years,” I said in a low voice. “Henry lived here. Henry Brooks.” I smiled, thinking about crazy old Henry. Still staring at the tiny picture, I spoke, “He was a great man. He liked to drink a lot, maybe too much at times, but he tried to be a good man.”

  I took a deep breath and continued, “After my dad up and left, I didn’t have anywhere to go.”

  I looked up then. Kayden was leaning against the doorframe, looking so fuckin’ incredible. She was wearing nothing but jeans, a T-shirt, and flip-flops with her hair thrown up into a messy ponytail. Pure and simple beauty—that was what she was.

  “I moved in with my best friend at the time, Robbie. It was just him and his mom, and his mom was…” I looked down to my feet, and for the first time, I was ashamed of my past. “Well…she liked to party, and she was a cocktail waitress at one of the local strip clubs. Everyone knew Kelly. We lived upstairs in one of the two bedrooms.”

  I glanced over at Kayden. She stood there, observing me. It took all I had inside not to take the few steps and hold her in my arms. The pain I buried so many years ago began to surface. I felt it in the back of my throat, like a fuckin’ ball of regret. “Henry’s niece, Cherry, came to visit, and we got close.”

  Kayden sucked in a gasping loud breath as her face changed.

  As much as I wanted to close the distance between us, I didn’t. I needed to tell her my story, so I kept going, “She was a wild one, no doubt just like her uncle. During one of the many parties Henry and Kelly had, I heard crying in the bedroom.”

  I averted my eyes to the dirty white cabinets, so I couldn’t look at Kayden. “When I entered the bedroom, she was clenching the locket in her hand. She started to babble about the tiny picture of the girl. I listened and held her until she passed out. Then, any chance she would get, she would tell me more. I began to fantasize about this girl.”

  I chanced a glance at Kayden, confusion etched on her beautiful face. I looked away for I couldn’t go on viewing into her sad brown eyes.

  “I was eighteen, and I had nothing, nothing but this made-up girl in my head. And one night…it went too far.”

  I brought my eyes back to Kayden’s. A tear slipped out of one of her eyes as she bit down on her bottom lip. I clutched the locket in my hand so hard that I actually felt pain, but I couldn’t reach out to her. I needed her to hear this, to hear who I was and where I’d come from.

  “Cherry and I were both high, and she had disappeared from the party. I again found her in her room, gazing at the necklace. I held her, telling her it was going to be all right. She told me it would never be, that I didn’t understand.”

  I sucked in a breath, closed my eyes, and went on. “One thing led to another, and I slept with her.”

  I opened my eyes. The tears ran silently down Kayden’s pink-stained cheeks. The hurt was so evident in her expression that pain sliced through my body.

  “The worst part about it was that I stared at the tiny picture in the locket lying next to her head. I fucked the girl in the picture, the girl I’d made up in my sick fuckin’ head.” My voice began to rise with the confession I’d kept deep down inside. “God, I fucked Cherry so goddamn hard, praying that it was the girl in that picture.”

  Kayden’s hands flew to her mouth as an audible gasping sob broke from her throat. It killed me to see the pain and remorse evident in her emotions do to my revolting past. I knew telling her my secrets were going to hurt, I just didn’t think it would upset her this much. I pushed off the counter, and she removed one hand from her mouth and held it up.

  “Don’t…” her muffled voice said behind her hand.

  I stopped, and felt the well of pain rise into my chest. The hand not clutching the locket quickly reached for the bottle of water on the counter. “Fuck!” I roared before I hauled it against the cabinet, causing the bottle to explode and water to trickle down.

  Brown-tinged water dripped onto the counter. The raging fear of losing Kayden again ran through my veins. I felt it. I wouldn’t go through that horrific pain again. I couldn’t do it.

  I’d die before I had to go through that pain again.

  Kayden removed her hand, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Please…finish.”

  I looked deep into her gloomy, wet eyes. “It was only once. I never touched her again. I stayed away from her as much as I could. I stopped going down to Henry’s, and then she left about a month or two later.”

  Her voice was so small and laced with hurt. “Is there more?”

  I nodded my head, and Kayden closed her eyes.

  “Just tell me…” Kayden said heatedly. “Tell me all of it.”

  Taking a step back, I hit the counter and slouched my shoulders. “Robbie’s mom saw a change in me. She tried to talk to me to
figure out what was going on. Don’t know if it was her attempt to try to be a mom.” I laughed, cynically.

  Kayden crossed her arms over her chest.

  The pain still there but becoming dominated by repulsion, I continued, “One night, I had a nightmare. My imaginary girl had died.” I chuckled at how stupid I sounded. “Kelly came in and found me shaking and gasping for air. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, like I was dying.”

  I looked over at the puddle of dirty water that had formed on the counter. “Kelly held me, and then…” I closed my eyes. “She started touching me, and I fucked her.” I gritted my teeth through the repulsive confession. “Then, I started fucking her friends, trying to mask the pain. I fucked every woman that I came into contact with.”

  I regarded Kayden, her arms wrapped around her stomach. Her eyes moved from the floor to mine, and we stared at each other for a beat.

  I continued, “A coworker of Kelly’s hooked me up with my first porn production company. So, I made a name for myself, doing the only thing I knew how to do—fuck without emotions involved. And I guess the rest is history.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  I watched Kayden as she wiped her tear-stained cheeks. She took a few breaths. Her silence was killing me.

  “Did you follow me?” I whispered and looked down.

  “No,” she said quietly. “Actually, I was wondering what you were doing here, because I’m supposed to meet the landlord.”

  I brought my head up. “I own this building.”

  Kayden let out a sneering chuckle while shaking her head. “It figures.”

  I ran my hands through my hair. At a loss for words, I stood silent. I was waiting for her to run, but this time, I wasn’t going to let her go. I would make her understand that I was not that person anymore. I needed to make her understand.

  “How long have you owned this place?” Kayden broke through my thoughts.

  I told her, “For six years. Kelly left it to me in her will.”

  Kayden asked with slight hesitation, “She died?”

  “Yep,” I bit out. “She was driving high and drunk. Robbie was in the car, too. She wrapped it around a fuckin’ telephone pole.” I closed my eyes as the night I’d gotten that call came to the forefront of my mind. “They both died instantly. I lost the only people I considered family that night.”

  “I’m sorry,” Kayden said.

  “Thanks.” Then, I threw my arms out at my sides. “I got the building and a few years of fuckin’ therapy,” I said sarcastically. “Good deal, huh?”

  Kayden shrugged her shoulders with a hint of remorse.

  “Steele…” My name echoed from the other room. “Steele?”

  Kayden turned to look behind her, and then she turned back and stared at me.

  “Yeah, Pauli, it’s me,” I said with my eyes on Kayden.

  She moved into the kitchen, and Pauli’s short frame came into the doorway.

  “Sonia said she thought she saw you.” Pauli smiled, and I forced myself to smile back.

  “I was going to come down and see you two after I spoke to Henry’s sister,” I told him.

  I looked to Kayden to see her eyes were focused on the old wood floor.

  Pauli looked over at Kayden. His smile wavered as he said, “Hi, I’m Pauli Venzo. I own the pizza place downstairs.” He moved forward with his hand out.

  Kayden looked up at his introduction. Taking his hand, she said, “Kayden Brewer.”

  Pauli turned to me and reached out his hand to me, and I shook it.

  “Good to see you, boy.” Totally oblivious to the thick air surrounding Kayden and me, he continued, “I hate to see you sell this place. You’ve been one hell of a landlord.” Pauli observed the kitchen as he spoke, “But I hear the buyer is good people.” He stopped talking when his eyes came to the crumpled plastic bottle on the floor. Pauli looked up to me.

  “Yeah, they’re a good company,” I said and watched him look over at Kayden.

  She was leaning against the counter, hugging her arms around her chest.

  “I’ll be down in a few,” I said.

  His eyes came back to me. “Okay…okay…” Pauli said, backing up. “Nice to meet you,” he said in Kayden’s direction.

  “You, too.”

  We both watched Pauli uncomfortably back out of the room. He gave us both an undecided smile. He twisted on his foot, and then he was gone.

  We stood there in silence. The only noise was from an occasional passing car until my phone rang. I pulled it from my back pocket and glanced at the screen.

  “I have to take this,” I said to her.

  She waved her hand dismissively. “Go ahead.”

  “Mr. Brennan?” I said into the phone.

  “Mr. Kincaid, did your meeting go well this morning?” he asked.

  I looked to my watch and then answered, “Well, considering that Henry’s sister is close to being over an hour late, I’m going to have to say no.”

  I opened my other hand, ogling the pendant.

  “If she happens to show, shoot me a text, and I’ll have the papers waiting here for you to sign,” he said.

  “Will do, Sir. Talk to you then,” I said. I pulled the phone from my ear and hit End before I gave him a chance to reply.

  Placing the phone back into my pocket, I turned to Kayden. “I’m waiting for Henry’s sister. She has to sign a few papers and pick up a box.”

  Kayden nodded, looking at her feet.

  Her silence was eating at me. “Please say something?” I begged.

  If she hauled off and punched me, I would be grateful. It would be something. But she stood there with a blank look on her face.

  “You want me to say something?” Her voice was low.

  “Yes, please.”

  She walked slowly toward me. I didn’t know what she was going to do. So, I braced myself for a hit of some kind. I was already well aware of the arm she had on her. When she landed in front of me, she took my hand in hers. Her fingers touched the locket and then the tiny picture. We both watched her finger trace the heart, and then she looked up to me.

  She whispered, “That’s me…in that picture.”

  With that, she knocked the air out of me better than any punch would have.

  Steele

  We sat next to one another on the dirty kitchen floor with our backs against the faded white refrigerator. I watched Kayden finger the chain in her hand.

  “I can’t fuckin’ believe this,” I expressed to the small kitchen.

  Kayden responded, “I know.”

  I demanded, “Tell me again.” I was hoping if she said the words one more time, then it would sink in.

  “Henry Brooks was my mother’s brother, and Cherry, as you called her, was my sister, Mary. And this is me.” She held up the locket.

  “One more time,” I probed.

  Kayden said softly, “Steele…”

  I slid my ass on the grimy floor to sit in front of her. I caged her in with bent legs on either side of hers. I took her hands in mine. “Do you know what this means?”

  “Um….yeah,” she said clearly, “I do.”

  I shook her hands in mine. “You’re the girl, Kay.”

  Kayden threw her head back onto the fridge as she let out a mocking chuckle. “That’s what you get out of all this?” Her eyes came to mine. She tore her hands from my grip and held the chain up between us. “This means that you fucked my sister, Steele. Do you know what that does to my insides?”

  “But—”

  She didn’t let me continue. “No, Steele.” Kayden shifted herself and stood. She walked out of the kitchen and went on, “This is just all so…so…” She looked to the ceiling. “Good one, Mary. You really stuck it to me this time, didn’t you?”

  I stood up and followed her, and leaned up against the wall watching her.

  “Eight goddamn years later!” she yelled. Hanging her head, she gently whispered, “Eight years later, and you’r
e still fucking up my life.” Kayden began to pace the room, rambling, “Not only did you leave me to raise your kids, but now, I have a drug dealer that I owe a hundred grand to—”

  “We owe,” I chimed in.

  She stopped, turned, and threw me a wicked look, so I shut up.

  Kayden began her stride again. “Then, you send me him…a guy you fucked—what?” She stopped for a moment. “Seventeen years ago. Why?” She finished delicately, “Why?” She put her back to the wall and slid down it. “Why?” She began to cry.

  I moved, knelt down in front of her, and gathered her shuddering body in my arms. I held on to her as closely as I could, trying to absorb any of the hurt she was feeling. When her sobs turned to soft whimpers, I moved her to straddle me.

  Her red blotchy face lifted, her wet brown eyes meeting mine. Torn and vulnerable, she sat with her face an inch from mine with her raw emotions staring me in the eyes. She had never been more beautiful than she was at this moment.

  I moved my hands to cup her face. Feeling it in my gut without any fuckin’ uncertainty in my mind or body, I knew wholeheartedly with all my being that I loved this girl. “I love you, Kayden. I love you, all of you.” I laid a soft kiss to her swollen red lips. “Someone up there placed us together, and I believe it was for a reason. Don’t you?”

  She nodded her head. I started gently kissing her puffy lips. I let go of her face and tangled one hand in her hair. I pulled, slanting her head. Then, I deepened the kiss when she gasped, driving my tongue into her mouth that I so desperately craved for every fuckin’ day since I laid eyes on her. My other arm went around her waist. I pulled her body flush to mine and began to drench myself with her.

  Both of us breaking the kiss, we breathed heavily as our foreheads rested together.

  I whispered, “I’m sorry. God, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. But you have my word, Princess. I will never, ever leave you.” I enclosed my arms around her, holding tight. “I love you,” I mumbled against her neck.

  She said softly, “I love you.”